Wandering Soul

On this day, thirteen years ago, Kurt Cobain ended an era in rock music and brought the music world to tears. The lead singer of Nirvana committed suicide by shooting himself with a shotgun. Although I am not a huge fan of Nirvana, The man who sold the world is one of my all-time favourite songs.

Cobain’s death came as a shocker to his millions of fans around the world. He was an intriguing personality, and equally intriguing was the suicide note that he left behind:

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when we’re back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough.) I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.

I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I love you, I love you!

May his soul rest in peace!

I am back after a long hiatus. My first post of 2007, and here’s wishing you a very happy new year. So what have I been upto? After all the hectic work schedules, a break was in the offing. So I took leave from office, and went to the paradise land that is Goa.

For the uninitiated, Goa is state on the west coast of India. It was a Portuguese colony until 1960, when it was admitted into the Indian Union. Goa still retains a distinctly colonial Portuguese atmosphere and architecture. It is particularly famous for its beautiful churches and Hindu temples, and of course the pristine beaches. As a tourist destination, it’s quite popular among Indian as well as international tourists, especially the British.I left on 12th January from Mumbai and returned from Goa on 21st January, after having a gala time and clicking loads of pictures.

During the first half of my trip, I stayed at Morjim, in the Camp 69 hotel, which comprises of Log cabins. It’s a beautiful place, and Morjim is a very quiet and peaceful beach. Saturday evening I went to Ingo’s Saturday Night Bazaar, which is at Arpora, and is a major attraction. I whole day I spent in Old Goa, visiting all the lovely churches and cathedrals there.

During the second half of my trip, I stayed at Cafe Del Mar hotel in Palolem. Cafe Del Mar is made up of beach huts and has a 24 hour bar with good music. Palolem is a very picturesque beach, and I spent the 3 days doing nothing other than enjoying the sea and the sea-food.

Read more about it on my Travel Blog.